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Slope Trash - “A sailplane for each condition” is his motto. The pilot who will fly anything without an engine, in any wind, over anything resembling a rise in the ground. Runs the gamut from HL gliders over an Interstate ramp to 5-meter scale ships over the Swiss Alps, and anything in between. Will sleep in his pop-up trailer or eat canned beans just for a chance to fly any time, any place. Tolerates, laughs with, and flies with any of the other perverts revealed in this guide.
The Misplaced Thermal Dude - Someone who took his Slope Trash buddy at his word saying that you can fly anything at the slope. Will work his nostalgia poly ship out of the fray to amazing heights and then disdain the thrill of coming down fast. Reliant on his flying buddies land his plane in winds over 8 MPH. Will turn into a Shade Tree Flier when the wind gets over 10 mph. If peer pressure is great enough to get a real slope plane, will show up the next week with a Combat Certain Zagi.
Mr. Combat Certain - Someone who tired of breaking his own planes and decided it would be more fun to break someone else's. Sports the dreaded foamy and is probably self-taught. Flying is characterized by erratic maneuvers close to the hill. Thoughts of "fresh meat" enter his head whenever the F3F dude takes to the air. The Power Flier - Seduced out of his element by the Slope Trash guy. Recognizable with beat up Ninja bought at club auction, and one arm longer than the other from lugging flight box with three gallons of fuel up the hill. Troubled by lack of clubhouse with bathroom facilities and TV.
The Pocket Pool Flyer - Either a sub species of Thermal Dude or someone who hasn't figured out what the rudder stick is for. Free hand is available for a game of pocket pool or holding beer on a hot day. Pocket Pool smokers use a neck strap.
The Glass Slipper Sissy - The king of the hangar queens and owner of the prettiest planes you'll never see flying in this lifetime. This pilot can usually be heard muttering the conditions aren't right, maybe tomorrow. The scale pilot looks more lifelike than the real one.
The Speed Demon - Builds planes in back of basement meth-lab and hums The Surfaris "Wipe Out" while flying. Flys on channel 60 because the radio waves are moving faster. Tried power flying but got frustrated with prop slowing him down. Does everything quickly as evidenced by several failed marriages.
The Aerobatic Ace - Somehow bypassed straight and level flight in basic training. Possibly dyslexic and constantly rolling aircraft to compensate. Launches plane inverted and occasionally lands that way too. The Virtual Flier - A Shade Tree Flier who rarely leaves the computer room. Once flew a Zagi on a buddy box. Discovered RCSE and will spend a perfectly good flying day sharing electronic platitudes with the rest of the world. Known to have replied "Okay" to e-mail message that said "Test, do not reply". Well versed in current versions of commercial and freeware RC flying simulation programs.
The DS Junkie - Lords of The Dark Side. Displaced control line fliers who got tired of getting dizzy and falling down. Regular customer of the Speed Demon's lab. Decided it was more fun to blow up own planes instead of letting Combat Certain do it for him. True addicts can be spotted at police auctions bidding on radar guns. Soft Core Scale Dude - Holds the mistaken notion that spending more money on a sailplane results in a proportional increase in enjoyment of flying it. Finds himself on the slope in search of stick time because his cubic dollars scale planes are downright impractical to launch any other way. Fearful of flying with more than one plane in the sky, and finds it impossible to understand why all the other flyers are not anxious to land theirs and watch his. His most redeeming quality is he is a rich source of new Schadenfruede material. (For definition and examples, see STM section by this title.)
Half Pipe Hero - Has discovered the joy of formation flying and flys U-shaped pattern with stall turns on both ends of the course because he doesn’t know any better. Believes “pumping” is a practical application of perpetual motion principles. Not afraid of pulverizing an immaculately detailed Slope Scale warbird in a mid-air, but is relieved when all participants get with the program and fly in the same direction. Not sure he will return from each mission, just like the real thing.
The Retired Farmer - Indigenous to the Midwest. Took up flying after a career of manhandling tractors and fence posts, reflected in his flying style. Recognizable by aircraft color schemes matching favorite brand of farm equipment and ever present complimentary color seed corn hat. Handy guy to have around when the local slope includes barbed wire and stray livestock. The Journalist - This fellow paid enough attention in 10th grade composition class to learn how to prepare a topic outline and write an opening paragraph. Possible teacher’s pet type shunned by classmates. Likely to have a government or corporate job where everything he writes goes out under his boss's name. Craves bylines and may or may not know how to fly a slope plane. The Photo-Journalist - Bought a digital camera and wishes to use it for something beyond family snapshots. Harbors dreams of getting the greatest in-flight model shot ever recorded. Usually forgets a telephoto lens and will try to convince others to fly within three feet of the camera for a magazine cover. Overrates his own importance, but is tolerated by others because he occasionally gets a lucky shot.
The Contest Director - An individual with self-perceived administrative skills and delusions of authority. Typically a mediocre flier who will spend hundreds of hours organizing an event just to spare himself the embarrassment of actually flying in competition. The Opportunist - Someone with ambitions of supporting his hobby by making it a commercial venture with tax deductible contest trips. Usually has dealer status with some obscure Elbonian manufacturer. Has been seen buying cellophane tape at the closest Seven-11 store to resell as hinge tape at the slope.
The F3F Dude (a) - Someone with more airplane than he can afford. Parks on far side of the mall lot to avoid door dings, and believes the Indy 500 should be settled in time trials. An apostle in the wilderness seeking disciples to work buzzers and stopwatches for him. Arrives on a donkey but confused that palm fronds from the crowd are missing. Combat Certain dude will fly a victory roll, with loud applause, after he goes down. The F3F Dude (b) - Believes that any event beginning with "F" must be cool since it's International. Builds all his planes with a metric ruler. A would-be European jet-setter drinking Heinekin in his Texarkana trailer park. Appears on the field with the latest Elbonian design, obtained from The Opportunist.
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